Gundam Deathmatch 2000!
by HeeroYuyZ
Summary: Okay, whoever the hell deleted this I will personally hunt down and kill! Thank you, and please R & R!
1. Default Chapter Title

  
Gundam Deathmatch  
  
  
  
Kaeli: It sure is an exciting turnout tonight, eh Kelly?  
  
Kelly: Sure is Kaeli, and welcome viewers to the one and only Gundam Deathmatch 2000!  
  
Heero_YuyZ: Our first fight is between Duo and Relena, both are angered over who gets   
Heero. Our second fight is Heero against either Hilde or Zechs, neither want Relena or Duo to be with Heero. Hilde thinks he's a bad influence, and Zechs keeps a grudge… The third fight, Wufei takes on all challengers. Now to Shinigami Neko who is interviewing Heero. Hi SN!  
  
-  
  
Shinigami Neko: Hi Z, I'm here with ex-Gundam pilot, ex-Preventer, Heero Yuy. Heero, what do you think about Relena and Duo fight for you?  
  
Heero: Hn.  
  
SN: How about you fighting Zechs or Hilde?  
  
Heero: Hn.  
  
SN: *starts strangling Heero* Talk damn you!  
  
Heero: *takes out gun* Omae o Korosu!  
  
*gun fires and the camera goes fuzzy*  
  
-  
  
Kaeli: Someone should go check on SN!  
  
Kelly: Yeah, go check on her Z! We know you can do it!  
  
Z: *sweatdrops* On to the fight *stands up and walks down to the lounge where Heero was. Looks around. Steps out only to be met by the barrel of a gun*  
  
Heero: Oh thank god Z! That psycho Shinigami Neko is worse than Relena. *throws gun aside* She took all the bullets anyways.  
  
Z: I hope she didn't hurt you Heero! *saying in a loud voice so SN can hear* Cause if she hurt a contestant she'd be fired!  
  
SN: *comes out of shadows pouting* Ahh, you're no fun.  
  
Z: *sighs* Let's just get back so we can started the fight.  
  
*they all walk up to the booth except for Heero who walks to the stands to watch the fight*  
  
-  
  
*Duo and Relena walk to the ring*  
  
Admiral Kelly: Okay I want a good clean fight! No Gundams allowed! Now let's get it on!  
  
*Duo lunges at Relena but she swiftly dodges and karate chops him to the ground. She then has him pinned and in a headlock*  
  
Duo: HEERO! Psycho Stalker Bitch has me in a headlock!  
  
*From sidelines Heero throws a knife to Duo who catches it*  
  
Relena: Hey UNFAIR!  
  
Admiral Kelly: I'll allow it!  
  
*Duo twists knife and shoves it into Relena's eye, then pulls it out with the eye. Relena grabs Duo by his braid and spins him around then tosses him into one of the over head lights. He's electrocuted, but he and the light fall down atop Relena sending blood and body parts flying*  
  
Admiral Kelly: Who won? *wipes blood from his face*  
  
Z: Neither, that means in the next match Heero'll have to face both Zach and Hilde!  
  
Kaeli: We'll be back right after these messages!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
If you want to read some funny Gundam Wing fics, read these fics!  
Scary, SCARY!: By Shinigami Baby  
Things That go Mwahahaha in the Night: By Starseeker  
Hard Working Life of the Gundam Pilots: By Yasashii  
Hard Working Life of the Gundam Girls: By Yasashii  
Mutual Anime's Wild Chibi's: By Yasashii  
A Night Out At The Roller-Disco: By Shinigami Baby  
Duo Plays Cupid!!: By Shinigami Baby  
BITCHFIGHT 195!!: By Shinigami Baby  
Duo? Gay? Never, right?: By Shinigami Baby  
Five Pilots and a Baby: By Shinigami Baby  
One Night, Nine Rooms, Ten People…: By Shinigami Baby  
She's Got A Girlfriend Now!: By Shinigami Baby  
Gundam: Silver Star Story: By Starseeker  
Any fanfic by Sasami_Yuy  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kelly: Welcome back to Gundam Deathmatch 2000!  
  
Kaeli: Our next fight is between Heero and Zechs and Hilde. Hilde and Zechs both want to kill Heero because Duo and Relena are dead!  
  
Z: Now to the fight.  
  
-  
  
Admiral Kelly: Gundams aren't allowed, you can use any of the weapons around the ring, but no other ones. I want a good clean fight, now let's get it on!  
  
Zechs: You're going down Heero, you don't deserve Relena! *Grabs a sword from ringside and charges at Heero*  
  
*Heero jumps up and kicks Zechs backwards, Hilde takes this opportunity to use a back-breaker on Heero. Heero jumps up and leg-locks Hilde only to be knocked down by Zechs. Heero grabs a sledgehammer and knocks off one of Hilde's arms and a leg*  
  
Hilde: Auggh! *grabs a knife and lunges at Heero who trips her and throws her into   
Zechs, decapitating him*  
  
*Heero shoves his fist down her throat, but she bites it off. She then kicks him in the balls and elbows him*  
  
Z: Oooh…A cruel one, that one's gotta hurt. *winces at sight*  
  
*Heero backflips and kicks her in the face*  
  
Kaeli: That one's gonna leave a mark!  
  
*Hilde pushes him away and grabs a new weapon, the beam saber. She lunges at him and cuts his legs off. He runs out of the arena leaving a sign in his corner that said, 'Be Right Back'. Moments later the Wing ZERO crashes through the roof and hits Hilde squishing her. The cockpit opens to reveal…DUO!*  
  
Kelly: *in a mad scientist voice* HE'S ALIVE!  
  
Duo: For you Heero!! *climbs back in Wing ZERO and flies off*  
  
*Heero runs back in, he has mechanical metal legs on now*  
Heero: Uh, did I miss something? *stands there gazing around. Sees the hole in the roof, then Hilde squished.* I swear, if Duo scratched Wing ZERO, I'll kill him! *walks off muttering*  
  
Z: Uh…We'll be right back!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Man: Would you like to learn French? The language of Love? Well just call this number and you'll be immediately signed up for the 'French of Ages' class!   
  
Second Man: If you call within the next 10 minutes of this commercial, you'll get the special discount price of $29.99, including this little booklet of easy French sayings! Sorry no checks or CODs Mastercard, and Visa accepted. We don't accept American Express!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kelly: Welcome back to Gundam Deathmatch 2000!  
  
Z: *is angry* FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO GET A CUP OF COFFEE AROUND HERE?!  
  
*A guy runs in holding a cup of coffee*  
  
Z: *takes coffee and takes a sip then spits it out* I SAID NOT DECAF!! *throws coffee backwards angrily and turns around*  
  
Kaeli: Uh Z…  
  
Z: What?!  
  
Kaeli: *goes up to his ear and whispers something*  
  
Z: *goes pale* We're on the air? *straightens shirt* Our next fight Wufei takes on all challengers!  
  
*camera waits a bit to turn to the ring*  
  
Z: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner? *glances to see camera still pointed at him. Smiles brightly*  
  
*camera turns and you hear Z mumbling*  
  
-  
  
Wufei: C'mon, fight me, fight me!  
  
Shenlong: I will face you weakling!  
  
Wufei: GAH! I'm weak! Nataku, please forgive me! *runs out babbling about being weak*  
  
Shenlong: Er…Was it something I said?  
  
-  
  
Z: Don't worry folks, we were prepared for this!  
  
Sasami_Yuy: *from stands* Prepared for Shenlong to call Wufei weak and have him run out?!  
  
Z: YUP!  
  
Sasami_Yuy: How do you prepare for that?  
  
Z: By saying…See ya folks next time on Gundam Deathmatch 2000! Good fight, good night!  
  
-FIN!  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Gundam Deathmatch 2000  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing! I don't own Deathmatch! I'm just a kid who lives in Minnesota with no money except 10 bucks a month which I spend right away usually. So…DON'T SUE!  
  
A/N: DOROTHY LOVERS STAY AWAY!  
  
  
  
  
Heero_YuyZ: Hi, and welcome to Gundam Deathmatch 2000! What do we have going for us tonight Kelly?  
  
Kelly: Well our first fight is between Lady Une and Wufei Chang! They both want to love Treize! Our second fight is between Treize and Zechs. Treize is angry at Zechs for declining his dueling offer during the fight with Libra. And our third fight is between Dorothy Catalonia and Trowa Barton for the love of Quatre! I feel sorry for Trowa… Having to fight that…girl and her eyebrow!  
  
Kaeli: Uh, didn't Zechs die last time?  
  
Heero_YuyZ: Yes but I brought him back to life! Hell, if they can do it to Courtney Love in Celebrity Deathmatch, we can do it here on Gundam Deathmatch! Now onto the fight!  
  
-  
  
Admiral Kelly: I want a good, clean fight! Now lets get it on!  
  
*Une lunges at Wufei and has him in a leg-lock*  
  
Wufei: Augghhh! Get off me you weak onna!  
  
Une: Did you call me weak!? You shall pay! *punches him in gut, but he retaliates with a swift kick to her face making her glasses fall off* We shouldn't fight, this isn't in his excellency's ideals… *puts glasses on* Screw the ideals I say we just kill Wufei! *takes glasses off* NO! We must follow Mr. Treize's ideals! *puts glasses on* As I said, SCREW THE IDEALS! *Takes glasses off* NO! For Mr. Treize! *punches herself then puts on glasses* FOR ME! *punches herself and takes off glasses*  
  
Wufei: What the hell is wrong her?  
  
*two doctors rush in, one is holding a syringe which he injects into her. She instantly calms down*  
  
Doctor #1: Give her 5 minutes and she'll be able to fight!  
  
Doctor #2: Well…5-30… I accidentally injected the wrong amount…  
  
Doctor #1: *sweatdrops* That's comin' outta your paycheck… *the two doctors leave*  
  
-  
  
Z: What the HECK just happened?  
  
Kaeli: I have no idea…  
  
Kelly: Neither do I…  
  
-  
  
5 Minutes Later  
  
-  
  
Admiral Kelly: Can you fight?  
  
Une: Yeah…  
  
Admiral Kelly: Then lets get it on!  
  
*Une once again tackles Wufei who kicks her into the mat*  
  
Wufei: I feel so empty fighting those weaker than me…  
  
Une: I told you I'm not weak! *lunges at Wufei and bites his ear*  
  
Wufei: Geez! It's another Mike Tyson! *tries shaking her off but his ear rips off*  
  
Une: *knees Wufei in groin then grabs him by his ponytail. Spins him around and throws him out of the stadium roof. Is breathing heavily*  
  
Admiral Kelly: *holds up Une's hand* And Lady Une is the winner!  
  
5X13 Lovers: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
-  
  
Z: *is woken up by the scream* Geez, we need fights of higher caliber. On to the next fight… *yawns*  
  
Kelly: Our next fight is between Treize and Zechs! They will be put in the Deathmatch Dome and it will not open until one is dead! The have a selection of weapons from the Gundams, like a Hyperjammer made for a human.  
  
-  
  
Admiral Kelly: Now I want a noble, clean fight! Now lets get it on!  
  
*Treize grabs a beam saber from the side*  
  
Treize: I challenge you to a duel!  
  
Zechs: I say screw the duel! *picks up a sub-machine gun and fires*  
  
Treize: *dodges in blurry, slow-motion Matrix style. Then grabs a Dragon Fang and attaches it to him, then fires at Zechs*  
  
Zechs: *rolls to side and fires at Treize to find himself out of ammo*  
  
Treize: *grabs a flamethrower and fires at Zechs*  
  
Zechs: *grabs a Buster Shield and puts it up just in time. Grabs a hyperjammer and fires*  
  
Treize: *Jumps up and grabs onto the top bars of the dome. Grabs a Beam Cannon from up there and fires at Zechs*  
  
*A leg of a white Tauros blocks the beam*  
  
Noin: Leave Zechs alone!  
  
*Another leg of another white Tauros breaks through kicking the other one*  
  
Une: Leave his excellency alone!  
  
Zechs: Shit, catfight…wanna go for a burger?  
  
Treize: Sure! Sorry about the whole trying to kill you thing!  
  
*the two walk off chatting while Une and Noin fly up and try to destroy each other*  
  
-  
  
Z: Uh…Well at least we got to our main event…Even if these first two matches sucked, this should be good! Now to Shinigami Neko!  
  
-  
  
Shinigami Neko: I'm outside the door of ex-Gundam pilot, ex-Preventer, Trowa Barton. Hopefully he'll come out to talk!  
  
*SN knocks on door. No answer. Knocks again. No answer. Knocks again. No answer*  
  
SN: *growls and opens door. Gasps and slams door shut before camera can see inside* Wrong time! Wrong situation!  
  
*the idiotic cameraman opens the door to reveal Quatre and Trowa in an er… odd position, then slams the door shut sweatdropping*  
  
-  
  
Z: I REALLY didn't need to see that! Lets just get to Shinimegami Winner who is interviewing Dorothy!   
  
-  
  
*a giant black eyebrow is seen eating the cameraman. After swallowing him, it grows larger*  
  
Shinimegami Winner: Holy shit! It's growing bigger! *Drops camera and it goes a bit fuzzy. Screams are heard and the camera picture goes crackly*  
  
-  
  
Kaeli & Kelly: *Look at Z*  
  
Z: Nu-uh! I'm not going down there! I can handle Heero and SN! I can even handle Relena! But Dorothy and her eyebrow? No way! Not in a million years! Uh-uh! No way!  
  
-  
  
Z: *sighs* How the hell do I get dragged into these things?! *grips pistol tightly*  
  
Dorothy's Eyebrow: ROOOOOAAARRRR!!!!!!!  
  
Z: Jesus Christ! *fires pistol again and again at it but nothing happens* SHIT! *drops gun and runs*  
  
Dorothy's Eyebrow: *chases after Z growling*  
  
Z: For the love of god someone help me! *dives to ground and grabs a CMP150 and starts firing*  
  
-  
  
Kelly: *watching surveillance camera tape from booth* Run Z, RUN!  
  
Kaeli: You can do it! You can do it! Put a little muscle to it!  
  
-  
  
Z: *can hear them over loudspeaker* Shut the hell up, get your asses down here, and help me!  
  
*an assistant walks out of a room into the eyebrow's path*  
  
Assistant: AAAHHHHH!!!!  
  
*the eyebrow bears its teeth and bites him in half. After devouring the first half, it eats the other half*  
  
Z: Kuso! What now?  
  
-  
  
Kaeli: RUN YOU IDIOT RUN!  
  
-  
  
Z: WHAT ELSE YOU IDIOT, WHAT ELSE?! *Starts running*  
  
-  
  
Kelly: Use something as bait to draw it away from you!  
  
-  
  
Z: I have an idea! *runs to morgue where Relena's body is. Takes it out and pushes it off towards the open furnace*  
  
Dorothy's Eyebrow: RELENA! *runs after it into the furnace*  
  
Z: *slams furnace door shut* Phewww… *collapses on floor tired*  
  
*suddenly the furnace explodes and the eyebrow walks out flaming*  
  
Z: *hand stumbles on counter behind him to a tiny vial, pulls it down to see it* Liquid Nitrogen…YES! *throws the vial and shields himself with his arms. Uncovers to see his arms covered in frost and the eyebrow frozen solid. The ice shatters and the eyebrow moves toward him* Oh shit… *stands up and runs out of the morgue* WE NEED QUATRE!! He can control Dorothy and her eyebrow! Tell him to get dressed, and get his ass out here!  
  
-  
  
Kaeli: Not a bad idea…You hear that SN?  
  
-  
  
Shinigami Neko: Loud and clear! *opens door to Trowa's room with her head turned away* Okay you two, we have serious business to take care of! Quatre, get dressed, Trowa, get in Heero's Gundam, or at least get the Beam Cannon… Dorothy's eyebrow is on the loose… And if you two don't hurry up soon, Z'll be dead.   
  
Quatre: Fine… *whispers something inaudible to all but Trowa*  
  
Trowa: Okay Koibito…  
  
-  
  
Z: Ch'kushou! What's taking them so long!? *notices something and takes out laser firing at laundry chute door. Turns around to face eyebrow* Adios babe, love ya, bye bye! *jumps backwards down the chute* AAAAHHHHH!!!   
  
*there's a clunk and he can see the eyebrow following*   
  
Z: When does this damn thing give up?! *lands in clothes bin and is sent rolling down a looooonnng spiral staircase* Screw this, I need to get away from that thing! GERONIMO!! *jumps down the middle of the staircase and does a rolling land about 8 stories below. Then jumps up and starts running* Hurry up…   
  
Quatre: STOP DOROTHY…'S EYEBROW!  
  
*the eyebrow stops*  
  
Quatre: Uh…Go stay where Relena Peacecraft is!  
  
Dorothy's Eyebrow: Sure thing Quatre!  
  
*the eyebrow walks away leaving Quatre and Z there*  
  
*you then see Wing ZERO landing where the furnace room is and raising its beam cannon*  
  
Z: WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU SO LONG!  
  
Quatre: I was busy!  
  
Z: WELL MAYBE IF YOU'D STOP SUCKING- *looks at camera on him and smiles sweetly. Then covers up camera and you can hear the cameraman scream. The camera drops to the ground and goes fuzzy*  
  
-  
  
Z: Well…Onto the fight between Dorothy and Trowa! *straightens shirt*  
  
Kaeli: What took you so long?  
  
Kelly: Yeah, how hard is it to kill an eyebrow?  
  
Z: WELL…Seeing as I had barely any help, and guns, fire, and ice don't work on it, I was in trouble!  
  
Kaeli: Oh…  
  
Z: Can we get on with this fight?  
  
Kelly: Uh well…No…  
  
Z: WHY NOT?  
  
Kaeli: Well, the eyebrow devoured Dorothy…  
  
Z: Well then folks… Good fight, Good night! *yawns and falls asleep in announcer chair*  
  
~FIN~  



End file.
